


lol when these dumb bois gettin together

by rubiesanddiamonds



Series: i get by with a little help from my friends [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Gay Keith, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, The Circle, This is ridiculous, allura has no idea what shes doing but shes trying her best, allura is 4/20 friendly, and other stories, bi lance, fucking tenji, keiths also a loser, non binary pidge, super aunt allura, text fic, the Space family group chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-28 05:16:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8433226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubiesanddiamonds/pseuds/rubiesanddiamonds
Summary: pidgeotto: do you ever think we should get lives of our own??ill lure ya (to ur death): naa. its way more fun to take the piss out of theirs.





	1. its a pasta party and a pidge appreciation night

**Author's Note:**

> basically this started off as dumb idea that has spiraled out of my control and has now got 20 pages worth of dialogue and background noise.  
> had hell trying to post this. i think its to the world telling me to not let this garbage out into the world lol
> 
> lance is man with the memes, gay in space is keith, pidgeotto is pidge, hunky dory is hunk, ill ur ya (to ur death) is allura, Space dad is shiro, coranasaurus rex is coran and real slim shae-dy is shae

**man with the memes created the group 'fuck pasta portion control'.**

**man with the memes added gay in space, pidgeotto, hunky dory, Space dad, ill lure ya (to ur death), coranasuarus rex to the group.**

**man with the memes set a group chat icon. (18:53)**

**man with the memes:**  helpme.jpg

 **pidgeotto:**  lance theres a bit of saucepan in your pasta

 **man with the memes:**  gOD WHY DID I THINK GROWING UP WAS EXCITING AND FUN

 **man with the memes:**  ITS SO HARD

 **man with the memes:**  HOW DOES ONE EVEN LEARN PASTA PORTION CONTROL

 **man with the memes:**  MA USED TO THROW TWO WHOLE BAGS OF THE STUFF IN A SAUCEPAN BACK HOME

 **hunky dory:**  That's because she was feeding a family of eight Lance

 **man with the memes:**  u didnt count urself

 **hunky dory:**  Aw bae (Yellow Heart ) (Yellow Heart )

 **pidgeotto:**  dare you to eat it all

 **man with the memes:**  ....

 **man with the memes:**  ill take that i am a growing boy i can handle all this carb

 **Space dad:**  Lance, please do not try to eat all of that pasta.

 **man with the memes:**  gooosh dad im a MAN now i can handle it

 **Space dad:**  I’m sighing right now.

 **pidgeotto:**  o shit he broke out the sigh so quick

 **man with the memes:**  shiro i can HANDLE it

 **man with the memes:**  hunk bb will u pls hold my hair back when i vomit up fifteen tonnes of pasta later?

 **hunky dory:**  Ofc

 **Space dad:** Don’t come to me when you get indegestion.

 **Space dad:**  I’m not involving myself in you needing a new colon.

**Space dad left the group 'fuck pasta portion control'.**

**pidgeotto:**  wow i think you just set the record for how quick you can make shiro entirely give up

 **pidgeotto:**  also you dont even have hair

 **man with the memes:**  um what is on the top of my head then hmmm

 **man with the memes:**  yummyyummy.jpg

 **gay in space:**  lance why are you eating your weight and then some in pasta

 **man with the memes:**  because apparently when u add water to dried pasta it does this thing where it expands

 **gay in space:**  you're kidding

 **pidgeotto:**  long way have you got yet to go, young padawan

 **man with the memes:**  i dont need ur sass rn mister im a man on a mission

 **man with the memes:**  you try eating all this bland ass pasta

 **man with the memes:**  nd thats not even what yoda says you fake fan

 **pidgeotto:**  dont you dare say such things about my main source of nutrition

 **pidgeotto:**  also how can you even say that to me. lando

 **man with the memes:**  fIGHT ME

 **hunky dory:**  No fighting

 **man with the memes:**  (shakira shakira)

 **hunky dory:**  Also why didnt you put some sauce or something on it? Lance I thought mother raised you better

 **hunky dory:**  Also also Pidge don't even get me started on your diet you cannot live on pasta and burger cheese

 **man with the memes:**  sorry mom not all of us can whip up miracles in the kitchen

 **pidgeotto:**  ill kill you and eat my pasta and packet cheese on your corpse

 **pidgeotto:**  ill even throw in some canned hotdogs

 **hunky dory:**  Pidge stop you're making my eyes bleed

 **hunky dory:**  At least the hotdogs are some... form of protein... maybe?

 **hunky dory:**  And its not even hard! You just open the jar and pour it on the pasta!

 **man with the memes:**  instructions were unclear. i got my dick caught in the ceiling fan.

 **pidgeotto:**  isthisajar.jpg

 **hunky dory:**  Oh my gosh why do I even try to talk to you two

 **gay in space:**  ah

 **man with the memes:**  wut

 **pidgeotto:**  what

 **hunky dory:**  Huh?

 **gay in space:**  hunk you're the mom friend

 **gay in space:**  i just clocked

 **pidgeotto:**  oH MY GOD

 **man with the memes:**  kEITH YOU BEAUTIFUL AMAZING BOY YOU

 **man with the memes:**  finally... a real Space family to call my own.... my very own Space Dad™ and Space Mom™...

 **pidgeotto:**  at last!! i can make a Space mothers day card on Space mothers day and actually give it to my Space mom!!! its too much.....

 **gay in space:**  oh shit hunk i'm so sorry

 **hunky dory:**  Its okay you meant well

 **hunky dory:**  I think

 **hunky dory:**  And you guys both have a mom and dad why are you like this

 **man with the memes:**  everything is different if you add Space in front if it hunk god dont you know anything

 **hunky dory:**  Rude

 **gay in space:**  don't be rude to hunk

 **pidgeotto:**  dont be mean to mom

 **man with the memes:**  sorry Space mom

 **hunky dory:**  Its ok lol. I thought Allura was mom though

 **pidgeotto:**  no offence to allura but she is more of a 'aunt/older sister who has no idea what she is doing'

 **man with the memes:**  Space*** mom and aunt/older sister who has no idea what she is doing

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  ive been reading this whole chat just gonna jump in an say no offence taken pidge i 100% agree i have no idea what im doing at any point in time

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  but its all gd cos im tryin my hardest and doin my best

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  also hunk you are so the mom soz not soz

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  also also lance i will finish ur leftover pasta cos i know you arent finishing all that ur weak

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  allura out bitches advanced business management calls

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  *ollies outie*

**ill lure ya (to ur death) left the chat 'fuck pasta portion control'.**

**pidgeotto:**  if she gets pasta i want some too

 **pidgeotto:**  how much is down?

 **man with the memes:**  ithinkitgotbigger.jpg

 **pidgeotto:**  ill bring my own fork

 **hunky dory:**  Is this turning into a pasta party

 **man with the memes:**  i think it is my friend

**man with the memes changed the group name to 'pasta parti (Spaghetti ) (Party Popper )  '.**

**man with the memes changed the group icon.**

**man with the memes added ill lure ya (to ur death) to the group.**

**man with the memes added Space dad to the group.**

**man with the memes:**  lura pasta is up for grabs

 **man with the memes:**  shiro you were right do u want some pasta

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  oh my god it hasnt even been five minutes

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  wEAK i tell u WEAK

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  ill be over with a fork in ten gotta finish this chap

 **man with the memes:**  schweet tell coran aswell

 **man with the memes:**  that dude never checks his phone

 **man with the memes:**  anyone else want in on some hot carbohydrate action

 **Space dad:**  I’m still at the station, but when I get off I’ll drop by. Save some for me.

 **man with the memes:**  i dont think it will be hard

 **Space dad:**  You underestimate how much Allura can eat.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  he rite

 **man with the memes:** aburn

 **pidgeotto:** ahburn

 **hunky dory:**  I’ll bring some sauce

 **pidgeotto:**  ill bring the cheese

 **hunky dory:**  No

 **hunky dory:**  I’ll bring ACTUAL cheese

 **hunky dory:**  Not orange plastic sheets

 **pidgeotto:**  blasphemy

 **pidgeotto:**  you can pry my burger cheese from my cold, dead hands

 **pidgeotto:**  also lance am outside open your door

 **pidgeotto:**  pasta get @ me

 **pidgeotto:**  hurryup.jpg

 **pidgeotto:**  brought my special chick fork for the occasion

 **man with the memes:**  doors open and im to lazy to get up off the couch

 **man with the memes:**  i think i might actually be sick if i move in the next fourteen hours

 **man with the memes:**  also wheres piggy spoon?

 **pidgeotto:**  god lance one cannot eat pasta to the full extent with a SPOON

 **pidgeotto:**  alluras right your weak

 **pidgeotto:**  hethoughthecouldeatit.jpg

 **pidgeotto:**  whatawasteman.jpg

 **gay in space:**  lance you don't look too good

 **man with the memes:**  you saying i look good usually ;))))

 **gay in space:**  no you usually don't look good, but right now you just look like you're about to die

 **man with the memes:**  ouch

 **man with the memes:**  and here i was thinking we were actually getting along

 **gay in space:**  as always, you thought wrong

 **man with the memes:**  u know

 **man with the memes:** ur words

 **man with the memes:** sometimes they hurt

 **coranasuarus rex:**  Allura has just told me of the pasta party! i seemed to have missed a lot. we're just finishing up here and we will be over. want us to bring anything?

 **pidgeotto:**  a pasta themed movie

 **gay in space:**  is there actually such a thing

 **hunky dory:**  Closest I can think of is ratatouille

 **pidgeotto:**  I HAVENT SEEN THAT FILM IN SO LONG

 **pidgeotto:**  EVERYONE GET OVER HERE ITS PASTA AND RATATOUILLE NIGHT

 **man with the memes:**  yes pidge

 **man with the memes:** invite everyone to my apartment

 **man with the memes:** to eat my food

 **man with the memes:** and watch movies on my netflix

 **pidgeotto:**  shut up lance dont act like you dont want everyone to come round

 **hunky dory:**  Aren’t you two together? Why are you texting?

 **pidgeotto:**  default. i dont like hearing his annoying voice. grates at my nerves

**man with the memes sent a voice note.**

**man with the memes sent a voice note.**

**pidgeotto sent a voice note.**

**man with the memes:**  wow pidge that was uncalled for

 **gay in space:**  they aren’t wrong though

 **man with the memes:**  again keith, words hurt

 **man with the memes:**  r u joining us for pasta themed festivities or are u too busy sulking to mcr

 **gay in space:**  gOD I HAVENT LISTENED TO THEM IN THREE YEARS

 **gay in space:**  LET ME LIVE

 **gay in space:**  but yeah i’m gonna finish up here then i’ll be over

 **pidgeotto:**  aw whole family will be together

 **hunky dory:**  (Yellow Heart ) (Yellow Heart )

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  (Purple Heart ) (Purple Heart )

 **man with the memes:**  (Blue Heart )(Blue Heart )

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to pasta parti (Spaghetti ) (Party Popper ) (20:03)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** IM DONE give us a bit we be on our way down

 **man with the memes:**  wewaitingforu.jpg

 **pidgetto:** i feel like ive failed somehow. more should be gone.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  dont worry help is on the way

 **gay in space:**  oh yeah i'm gonna leave in a minute too

 **pidgetto:**  waitingforyoux2.jpg

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  o yeah considering this mornings revelation

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  do u think we can make an actual Space Family™ tree now

 **man with the memes:**  u know what.... i think we could

 **pidgeotto:**  drum roll pls

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  bdmdmdbdbdndmdbdndmbdndmdndbdmdbd

 **pidgeotto:**  ty

 **pidgeotto:**  our Space Parents™; starring shiro as Space Dad™ and hunk as Space Mom™

 **pidgeotto:**  our Space Uncle™, coran and Space Cool Hip Auntie™ allura

 **pidgeotto:**  Space Gay Emo Cousin™ keith

 **pidgeotto:**  and last but not least, Space Annoying Middle Kid™ lance and Space Super Genius Youngest Child™ pidge

 **man with the memes:**  i am offended yet cannot argue

 **gay in space:**  likewise

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  its so beautiful

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  i want to sc it and frame it on my wall

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  love my strange Space famo (Purple Heart ) (Purple Heart ) (Purple Heart )

 **hunky dory:**  Aww love you too Allura(Yellow Heart )

 **man with the memes:**  uhhhh???!!!

 **hunky dory:**  And the rest ofc(Yellow Heart )

 **man with the memes:**  wow mom favourites much

 **pidgeotto:**  youre the annoying middle kid for a reason

 **man with the memes:**  SPACE***

 **hunky dory:**  Oh my do we have to do it everytime

 **man with the memes:**  it defeats the purpose otherwise

**man with the memes changed the group name to 'Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) ''.**

**ill lure ya (to ur death) changed the group icon.**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  arentwecute.jpg

 **man with the memes:**  agreed

 

**man with the memes to the greatest people you will ever meet -- > pidgeotto, hunky dory, ill lure ya (to ur death) (20:37)**

**man with the memes:**  help me

 **man with the memes:**  im going to combust

 **man with the memes:**  like literally i am going to burst into flames and explode

 **man with the memes:**  hES IN A GODDAMN CROP TOP

 **man with the memes:**  he came to hang out and he woRE A GODDAMN CROP TOP

 **pidgeotto:**  ah yes. i was wondering when wed get another update on your pathetic crush

 **hunky dory:**  Calm down you look like you're choking

 **hunky dory:**  Do you need me to get you a glass of water?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** local bisexual looses his shit over a bit of skin

 **man with the memes:**  I AM

 **man with the memes:**  IM CHOKING ON MY OWN TONGUE

 **man with the memes:**  I CANT BREATHE PROPERLY I ACTUALLY THINK I MIGHT BE DYING

 **man with the memes:**  hunk i love u yes pls bUT DONT MAKE IT OBVIOUS ABOUT WHY YOU ARE

 **hunky dory:**  How am I going to make it obvious the reason I'm getting water is because you're a loser

 **pidgeotto:**  rip lance

 **pidgeotto:**  cause of death: keith in a crop top. died a sad and lonely virgin

 **man with the memes:**  youre a virgin too

 **pidgeotto:**  i also plan to stay that way

 **pidgeotto:**  now shut up the films starting

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (20:47)**

**man with the memes:**  since pidgey banned me from talking: do u think hunk secretly has a rat on his head controlling his movements

 **man with the memes:**  he could hide it under his headband that he never takes off

 **man with the memes:**  how else can he cook so good

 **man with the memes:**  im calling it hunk has a remmy

 **gay in space:**  and you call me the conspiracy theorist

 **man with the memes:**  the moon landing wasnt faked!!!! we did go to space!!!!! dont crush my dreams like this!!!!!

 **gay in space:**  i'm not saying we didn't go, we just didn't do it in '69. the whole landing and walking 'one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind' crap was to win the arms race and empower the us during 'nam. they probably sent up a rocket on a later apollo mission to put up the flag.

 **man with the memes:**  nasa would never lie to us like this. they are pure.

 **gay in space:**  nothing is pure in this world

 **man with the memes:**  alright edgelord

 **man with the memes:**  u enjoying the film??

 **gay in space:**  its alright i guess

 **gay in space:**  all disney films are good so

 **man with the memes:**  u like disney films??

 **gay in space:**  don't you?

 **man with the memes:**  no of course i do

 **man with the memes:**  what kind of man do you think i am

 **gay in space:**  exactly

 **gay in space:**  so why is it so weird i like them?

 **man with the memes:**  its not its not lol

 **man with the memes:**  its just you are the emo broody one so i didnt think youd actually have seen them?? it sounds stupid but it makes sense to me.

 **gay in space:**  i think i’m offended ??

 **man with the memes:**  im sorry dont be

 **man with the memes:**  whats your favourite??

 **gay in space:**  um... probably peter pan?

 **gay in space:**  i’ve always wanted to fly and always pretended to be a lost boy when i was a kid.

 **man with the memes:**  awwwwwwwww

 **man with the memes:**  keithy boy

 **man with the memes:**  lil lost boy keith

 **man with the memes:**  also good choice peter pan is a good disney

 **man with the memes:**  my favourites cinderella because i am basically her but i dont have evil stepsisters i have three evil sisters

 **man with the memes:**  i lie they are wonderful but i growing up i related so hard

 **gay in space:**  stuck at home doing all the housework?

 **man with the memes:**  the amount of Critical Teen Party nights i missed is actually heartbreaking

 **man with the memes:**  whenever mom would go out the twins would act up even more and be even more of the little shits they are, then ale would go out so id be not only babysitting them but also noah

 **man with the memes:**  all while my friends went out and made memories without me

 **man with the memes:**  cue end of Tragic Backstory™ behind favourite disney film

 **gay in space:**  everyone has one

 **gay in space:**  i wanted to be a lost boy because even though they were all orphans, they were a family and all loved each other and got to go on all these adventures in neverland

 **gay in space:**  i always used to sleep with my window open so pan could come in

 **man with the memes:**  that's actually so cute

 **gay in space:**  let me live

 **man with the memes:**  basically i waited for my fairy godmother to come and make me the belle of the ball and get me a handsome prince to smooch, u waited for a boy to come in through ur window and take you away to neverland

 **man with the memes:**  i sound so much more superficial when its put like that

 **gay in space:**  i wouldn't mind a handsome prince to smooch though

 **man with the memes:**  gay

 **man with the memes:**  well i guess i did grow into myself and became the handsome charming young man i am today

 **man with the memes:**  still waiting on that prince

 **gay in space:**  still waiting on my pan

 **man with the memes:**  well youve got yourself a hodge podge of family in us

 **man with the memes:**  we are all ur fellow lost boys

 **man with the memes:**  people*?? you get what i mean

 **man with the memes:**  lost boys that is not exclusive to "boys"

 **gay in space:**  yes lance i get what you mean lol

 **gay in space:**  thanks

 **gay in space:**  maybe your prince is ruling his kingdom right around the corner

 **man with the memes:**  stubbenheimers single???!!! why didnt u tell me

 **man with the memes:**  sneaky one u are keeping all the old codger neighbours to urself

 **gay in space:** or downstairs

 **gay in space:**  never know ;) x

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to lol when these dumb bois gettin together -- > pidgeotto, hunky dory (21:27)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol look at those dweebs theyve been texting each other since the film started

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im sO winning this bet

 **pidgeotto:** sorry princess but i am

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** loool look how red theyve gone

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** do u think theyre sexting

 **pidgeotto:** im gonna go interfere

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** godspeed

 

**pidgeotto to man with the memes (21:36)**

**pidgeotto:**  i can FEEL you blushing

 **pidgeotto:**  calm down

 **pidgeotto:**  are you sexting while a disney film is on how gross are you

 **man with the memes:**  god pidge

 **man with the memes:**  no im not!!!

 **pidgeotto:**  aw all flustered over keith

 **man with the memes:**  how did u know im talking to him

 **pidgeotto:**  were in the same room

 **pidgeotto:**  i can see the both of you on your phone

 **man with the memes:**  leave me alone

 **man with the memes:**  you hit me i had to resort to texting

 **pidgeotto:**  what did he say thats got you all red hmmm??

 **man with the memes:**  nothing donut worry abt it

 **man with the memes:**  lets just all go back to being really interested in the film ok its nearly over the best bit is coming soon with the creepy critic

 **pidgeotto:**  oookay ookay

 

**man with the memes to the greatest people you will ever meet (23:24)**

**man with the memes:**  guys...

 **man with the memes:**  i think i actually

 **man with the memes:**  LIKE keith

 **man with the memes:**  like like him

 **pidgeotto:**  and this is news to who??

 **hunky dory:**  Dude you don't shut up about him, we know you like him

 **man with the memes:**  no no,,,,, that is a crush

 **man with the memes:**  i just thought he was vvv pretty in sort of the same way i think lura is vvv pretty

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** aw thanks b i think ur vvv pretty too 

 **man with the memes:**  maybe i am a little/lot more interested in him but w/e its a similar analogy

 **man with the memes:**  but no NOW we are Speaking and Being Friends and i want to hug him and pet his fuckin stupid mullet

 **pidgeotto:**  i doubt its that PG you perv

 **man with the memes:**  pidge youre like 12 its past your bed time go to sleep

 **pidgeotto:**  sleep is for the weak

 **hunky dory:**  No, sleep is for a week. Goodnight sleep well all of you, Allura if you're working tonight stay safe, Pidge turn off your laptop I don't care how good the fic you're reading is you'll regret it in the morning when you've got to do a 12 hour shift

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah i am i will mom sleep tight all u babes dont let bed bugs bite 

 **man with the memes:**  night babes

 **man with the memes:** night princess

 **man with the memes:**  night gremlin

 **man with the memes:**   (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart )

 **pidgeotto:**  im going to finish this chapter then were good

 **pidgeotto:**  night hunk sleep well night allura stay safe

 **man with the memes:**  i said goodnight the least u can do is say it back

 **pidgeotto:**  suddenlyicantread.jpg

 **hunky dory:**  GOOD NIGHT

 

\---

 

**man with the memes to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (10:13)**

**man with the memes:**  allura why is ur name so long

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  because fuck you thats why

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  yours is literally just as long

 **man with the memes:**  its taking up half of my screen

 **man with the memes:**  are you even allowed that many characters in your nickname

 **man with the memes:**  also its v violent

 **man with the memes:**  mine is nowhere near as complex or threatening

 **man with the memes:**  it's to the point and lets yall know what im about, straight up

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  straight up??

 **man with the memes:**  bi up**

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  and my name is bc i am sweet but deudly

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  like a siren at sea

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  bringing all the pirates to my rock

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  singing my sweet songs

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  then cruelly drowning them when they get too close

 **Space dad:**  If you're singing you'll be sending them the other way.

 **pidgeotto:**  i love Space dad burns

 **man with the memes:**  i forget u can roast tbh

 **Space dad:**  I could probably make you all cry if I started. That's why I try my best to stay out of these conversations.

 **pidgeotto:**  no do it i want to see lance cry

 **pidgeotto:**  start with him

 **pidgeotto:**  theres so much to go off

 **man with the memes:**  excuse me

 **man with the memes:**  i will not break from a little lighthearted slandering between buddies

 **pidgeotto:**  you cried when i ate the last donut and told you to get over it, pussyboiii

 **man with the memes:**  i wAS SAVING IT FOR A POST MUNCHIES SNACK

 **man with the memes:**  it was the best one in the pack

 **man with the memes:**  i ended up stoned and hungry with only graham crackers to eat!! anyone would cry!!!!

 **pidgeotto:**  i arrest my case. pussyboiiii

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  im gnna have to side w lance on this one

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  the pain of no munch

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  aint nothin like it

 **coranasaurus rex:**  Its true. One time I came in and she was eating cold curry sauce out of the jar with a spoon.

 **pidgeotto:**  .....

 **pidgeotto:**  wow

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  it was good im not even gnna lie

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  uncle ben is a god

 **hunky dory:**  Pidge I take back my complaints about your diet

 **hunky dory:**  Allura I live downstairs please never do that again

 **hunky dory:**  I will make you food when you're munching if you promise to never do anything like that again

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  wait what did i just say i was so wrong it was awful hunky pls dont ever let me go thru that again

**pidgeotto to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (10:32)**

**pidgeotto:** forgot to say last night but there was a confession so we should update the Reciepts

 **pidgeotto:** not to keith or whatever but he admitted he liked him like we didnt already know

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ah its weak. but then again so is lance

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** send me the Receipts i cba to scroll and screenshot 

 **pidgeotto:** lovesickfool1.jpg

 **pidgeotto:** lovesickfool2.jpg

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i literally have a folder on my phone of all this garbage. why are we so obsessed

 **pidgeotto:** do you ever think we should get lives of our own??

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** naa. its way more fun to take the piss out of theirs.

 

**hunky dory to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way )  (14:34)**

**hunky dory:**  Shae keeps on singing this song by regina spektor called oedipus and it's making me think of Lance

 **man with the memes:**  what why

 **hunky dory:**  Cos your an annoying motherfucker

 **pidgeotto:**  SPACE MOM BURN

 **pidgeotto:**  EVEN RARER THAN THE COVETED SPACE DAD BURN

 **man with the memes:**  i feel personally victimised here

 **hunky dory:**  Don't cry Lance

 **pidgeotto:**  calm down gretchen

 **man with the memes:**  cOME ON IF IM NOT REGINA IM AT LEAST KAREN

 **gay in space:**  i don't think your father, the inventor of the toaster strudel, would be happy to hear that

 **pidgetto:**  is karen really better than gretchen though??

 **man with the memes:**  i just really love amanda seyfried

 **gay in space:**  really??? what's she even in

 **man with the memes:**  eXCUSE URSELF

 **man with the memes:**  cinematic classics such as letters to juliet, jennifers body, mAMMA MIA??????

 **gay in space:**  are you secretly a 40 year old woman

 **man with the memes:** these are gOOD films!

 **man with the memes:** i will not take such slander

 **pidgetto:**  lance its almost three you sure you dont need to go pick up the kids

 **pidgetto:**  isnt it your turn to carpool

 **man with the memes:**  i came out to have a good time and honestly im feeling so attacked right now

 **pidgeotto:**  GTFO of here with your outdated memes

 **man with the memes:**  memes dont go out of date pidgey

 **man with the memes:**  they age like fine wine

 **pidgeotto:**  oh yes ill have a 2007 vintage RAWR XD meme

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  personally im a fan of the bucket seal

 **man with the memes:**  ....are yall forgetting the ikea monkey

 **man with the memes:**  i too am stylish but illegal

 **man with the memes:**  and would also definitely try to live in an ikea

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  preach

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  also i miss shae

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  can we make a gc with her

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  she gets all my dumb fan references and has a GD taste in tunes

 **man with the memes:**  sorry we dont like aggressive screamo girl rock

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  sleigh bells r NOISE POP pls and thank u

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  and no she has a really good taste in ambient stuff like

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  she showed me the beauty of explosions in the sky and i will 4eva be grateful

 **hunky dory:**  Yes my girlfriend is amazing I know

 **hunky dory:**  She says hi

 **hunky dory:**  She asked if she could join the chat is it cool if I add her?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  yes!! we all love moms girlfriend!!!

 **gay in space:**  allura you listen to that stuff?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  yes why r u surprised

 **gay in space:**  yes

 **gay in space:**  check out tom misch i think you'd like him. the journey is good

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  will do safe one

**hunky dory added real slim shae-dy to the group.**

**real slime shae-dy:**  hello everyone!! sorry to barge in on your group chat like this lol. hope you are all finding yourself in good health? :)

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hi shae!! how are u!!

 **real slime shae-dy:**  im quite well thank you. and yourself?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** just saw a dank meme on my feed so im real gd

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  r u still writing???

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hit a girl up when u upload something ur works LIT

 **real slime shae-dy:** oh stop aha. i just like words! i upload on my insta quite often, if you want to follow that?

 **pidgeotto:** self promo much

 **pidgeotto:**  hi shae hows things over in the literature end of the woods

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  i think i already follow you ngl

 **real slime shae-dy:**  could be worse. i've started sleep typing though. once i get on a roll i can't find it in myself to stop, so i continue until i've got seventeen pages of grammarless nonsense. then i can never be bothered to edit any of it lol!

 **real slime shae-dy:**  oh whats your name? i'll follow you back! :)

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** qxeenlura :)))

 **pidgeotto:** the x is to make it look edgy

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  shut up squirt

 **real slime shae-dy:**  followed back! you're so pretty i love the your most recent selfie. had a bit of a stalk lol

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  don't even i spend waaay to much time going scrolling through ur gram and blog lol XXX thank u so much ur so pretty too hunk is sooo lucky his girlfriend is so cute and he should deffo bring her out with him more

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  i sound like a fangirl

 **real slime shae-dy:**  don't be silly ahah i'm very lucky to have him too. and yes i'm on the chat now so when an impromptu plan comes along i shall be informed! i'll definitely come along.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  yay! more girls!!! it gets lonely when you only have boys all around u

 **pidgeotto:**  i am here you know

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  want to be counted??

 **pidgeotto:**  um

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to pidgeotto (15:15)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hey sweetheart u ok

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im sorry about not counting you. i didnt think youd want to be??

 **pidgeotto:**  dont apologise you didnt do anything wrong

 **pidgeotto:**  i piped up without thinking

 **pidgeotto:** then freaked out when you asked me if i wanted to be

 **pidgeotto:**  its weird

 **pidgeotto:**  i dont but i also dont want to be lumped with the boys either

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  thats cool. i wouldnt want to be dumped w them either. ur in a category of ur own. i implied there was only two categories. its a little minislip but its still a slip it its caused u stress. so i am very sorry and i love n respect you and your gender v much.

 **pidgeotto:**  its okay.

 **pidgeotto:**  thanks allura

 **pidgeotto:** same here

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** so emotionally constipated. love it. love u xxxx

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) created the group mothers meeting.**

**ill lure ya (to ur death) added hunky dory to the chat.**

**ill lure ya (to ur death) added man with the memes to the chat. (15:32)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  hey doodz we are doing something nice for pidge tonight because they are working a very long shift and they are a small emotionally constipated kid who needs love and attention and a lil appreciation now and then

 **man with the memes:**  wheres this come from???? pidgey okay????

 **man with the memes:**  like i call em a lil shit but they r one of my most treasured people i hope they know that

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yes they okay just had a little hiccup and i dont want them to stress about it. when u have nothing to focus on then thoughts are easy to overthink and stuff and they have another few hours before their shifts up. it will be nice to have something for them to come home to xx

 **hunky dory:**  I'm gonna be done here at 4 so I'll swing by the store on the way back.

 **man with the memes:**  i can provide my amazing company

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  ...right

 

**man with the memes to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way )  (16:23)**

**man with the memes:**  i want a pet

 **man with the memes:**  the apartment feels to empty without a small four legged thing running around

 **man with the memes:**  i want a dog who wants to go to the pet store w me

 **hunky dory:**  Lance who's gonna look after the pupper

 **hunky dory:**  You aren't going to have time to train them with work

 **hunky dory:**  And they get super lonely if you leave them alone for long periods of time

 **hunky dory:**  And we live on the third floor where is the poor thing going to go to the toilet

 **hunky dory:**  Get a cat instead

 **man with the memes:**  but keiths allergic to cats

 **man with the memes:**  NOT THAT IT MAKES AN DIFFERENCE IN MY CHOICE OF PET OR WHATEVER

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  blantant love for keith aside, aRE U JOKIN ME THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE HEARD ALL DAY

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  LOST LITTLE KITTEN KEITH IS ALLERGIC TO CATS

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  HES ALLERGIC TO HIMSELF

 **gay in space:**  allura i'm not actually a cat

 **pidgeotto:**  begtodiffer.jpg

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  OH MY GOOOOOOSH KEITH

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  YOURE SO CUTE

 

**man with the memes to pidgeotto (16:48)**

**man with the memes:**  why would u do that to me

 **man with the memes:**  my poor lil bi heart

 **pidgeotto:**  *cackles*

 **pidgeotto:**  imgonnaruinyouwithsleepykeith.jpg

 **man with the memes:**  djfhsiOkfusiabdifjd

 **pidgeotto:**  rip lance you wont really be missed

 

**gay in space to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way )  (16:50)**

**gay in space:**  why would you do that to me

 **gay in space:**  let me live

 **gay in space:**  also when did you even take that

 **pidgeotto:**  you are cute when you sleep

 **pidgeotto:**  you dont look like youre ready to Fight

 **pidgeotto:**  had to get evidence that your not an angry jerk 100% of the time

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  keith ur so adorable omg i want to squish ur face

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  get surgery to permanently get the cat filter on ur face

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  i will literally pay 4 u

 **gay in space:**  no thanks i'm ok for now

 **gay in space:**  i appreciate the offer though

**pidgeotto to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way )  (18:22)**

**pidgeotto:**  on a scale of carrie to matilda how well do you think youd deal with sudden telekinesis

 **man with the memes:**  calling it now keith is so a carrie

 **gay in space:**  matilda literally uncovers a murder and uses her powers to scare the shit out of an abusive woman

 **gay in space:**  i'm so a matilda i would be great at solving those mysteries

 **man with the memes:**  yeah but carrie kills all of the people who bullied her

 **man with the memes:**  also ur kinda whiny and annoyin like chloe grace moretz

 **pidgeotto:**  im with lance

 **pidgeotto:**  sorry keith your definitely a carrie

 **pidgeotto:**  so am i though

 **man with the memes:**  i think id be more of a matilda only i wouldnt give them up after i get adopted

 **man with the memes:**  id used them to do stupid shit and pull dope pranks

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  im 100% a carrie

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** those bitches wont know what hit them

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  they try to dunk me in blood

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  ill fucken bathe in theirs

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  but fr fuck chloe grace moretzs carrie shes like a a living breathing version of camel toe

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  1976 carrie all the way

 **man with the memes:**  hear hear

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  who wants to watch matilda and original carrie tn y/n??

 **pidgeotto:**  im down

 **pidgeotto:** also

 **pidgeotto:** will there be food

 **man with the memes:**  let me guess its at mine

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  hunks not working tonight obviously it will be at yours

 **pidgeotto:**  how else do you think we are going to eat

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i need to do my laundry but then im gd

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** when is everyone off??

 **pidgeotto:** im out @ 8

 **pidgeotto:**  every minute feels like an hour

 **man with the memes:**  im pretty sure this is child labour

 **pidgeotto:**  im two years younger than you asshole

 **man with the memes:**  dont use such bad language child

 **man with the memes:**  also why are you on ur phone

 **man with the memes:**  friendly customer service smiles pidgey

 **pidgeotto:** go die lance

 

**pidgeotto to man with the memes (18:43)**

**pidgeotto:**  sorry did i go to far

 **pidgeotto:**  im only joking i dont want you to die. at least not all the time

 **pidgeotto:**  you know that right

 **pidgeotto:**  lance??

 **man with the memes:**  oh sorry pidge what

 **man with the memes:**  was playing mario kart and had to kick keiths ass

 **man with the memes:**  ive finally found something he isnt perfect at

 **man with the memes:**  what did u say??

 **man with the memes:**  oUCH pidge wow

 **pidgeotto:**  sorry

 **pidgeotto:**  still bad at drawing the line

 **man with the memes:**  lol naw im just jokin i know you lovelove me

 **man with the memes:**  its ok lil pidgey i lovelove u too

 **man with the memes:**  mi sweet lil emotionally constipated younger Space sibling

 **man with the memes:**  (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart )/p>

 **pidgeotto:**  shut up

 **pidgeotto:**  i dont like you

 **pidgeotto:**  and im not apologising for that one because i actually meant it

 **man with the memes:**  (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart )(Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart )

 **pidgeotto:**  stop

 **man with the memes:**  (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart )

 **pidgeotto:**  im blocking you

 **pidgeotto:**  wait keiths with you

 **pidgeotto:** ohohohohoho????

 **man with the memes:**  stop being nosy im hanging out with my GOOD BUDDY KEITH

 **pidgeotto:**  fuck buddy??

 **man with the memes:** goODBYE PIDGE

 

**pidgeotto to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (20:03)**

**pigeotto:**  iM fREE

 **pidgeotto:**  everyone cross fingers real quick my bus comes soon

 **pidgeotto:**  hunk please tell me something good

 **pidgeotto:**  like the food is being cooked as i type

 **hunky dory:**  Chicken and quorn are in the oven, veggies are sliced and chickpeas are boiling

 **pidgeotto:**  hunk are you toying with my heart or are you making your chickpea salad

 **hunky dory:**  Ah, I found a tin of them in the cupboard so I thought I'd make your favourite :)

 **pidgeotto:**  hunk you are a sweet sweet cinnamon roll. too good and too precious for this world

 **hunky dory:**  Ahaha hurry back and stay safe. We've got the movies set up all ready

 **pidgeotto:**  see you soon

 

**pidgeotto to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (20:26)**

**pidgeotto:**  im outside

 **man with the memes:**  its open

 **pidgeotto:**  fuckin hell you need to start locking your door

 **hunky dory:**  He's so bad at it?? It makes me so scared??

 **man with the memes:**  i am a man of many faults

 **hunky dory:**  Is there a but??

 **man with the memes:**  nope

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  pidgey bb i got your favourite. trekked all the way to upper west to get chlos solid just for u X

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** just finished rolling am about to come downstairs

 **man with the memes:**  when did u have the time to get to west??

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  i told you i was gettin a reup

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  yall didnt actually think i was doin my laundry did u???

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  come on guys are you even in the circle

 **man with the memes:**  excuse me for thinking ur a responsible adult

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  lance when is the last time you did your laundry?

 **man with the memes:**  like a responsible adult, i take my laundry to be washed by my mom every two weeks

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** mamas boy

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  hey what the fuck the doors locked

 **pidgeotto:**  oh lol yeah i locked it

 **pidgeotto:**  sorry allura im coming to get it now

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  it ok sweetie. first time for everything i guess

 

**pidgeotto to ill lure ya (to ur death) (23:43)**

**pidgeotto:**  thanks for tonight allura

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  what?? what are u talking about??? 

 **pidgeotto:**  im not an idiot i know you did some message nonsense and set up tonight

 **pidgeotto:**  because of what happened this morning i guess??

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  ur a perceptive lil kid arnt ya

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  you dont need to thank me. everyone needs to be shown a lil love and appreciation every now and again. and we do all love and appreciate u xxx

 **pidgeotto:**  okay thanks

 **pidgeotto:**  sorry i dont know how answer that

 **pidgeotto:**  im going to bed goodnight sleep well x

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  gn pidge podge sleep tight dont let the bed bugs bite Xxxxx

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to mothers meeting (23:56)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  they sent me a kiss!!! such a big step!!!

 


	2. the reveal and fuckin tenji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hunky dory: I don’t really focus on what Lance does unless there’s a chance he might accidentally kill himself doing it.  
> pigwidgeon: its like you dont even care about this chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think im unable to call pidge just pidge   
> shitty pet names for my loser child 2k16

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way )(09:43)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i love stoned past me

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** before she conked last night she billed future me a nice lil roll to wake up to

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** shes so considerate

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im seriously my own best friend

**Space dad:** Allura, you do realise I am a police officer.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what are you gonna do arrest me??//?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** wanna cuff me ;))))

**Space dad:** I'm at work, please don't start sexting me.

**pidgeotto:** this is also a group chat, please dont start sexting us

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ill sext u all and ur gonna lIKE IT

**man with the memes:** you can sext me any time baby

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** alright kiddo calm down

 

**gay in space to Space dad (09:59)**

**gay in space:** did you really mean that hm??? i think you want her to sext you.

**Space dad:** As I just said, I actually am on the clock.

**gay in space:** everyone uses their phone during work. stop acting like you don't spend half of your time scrolling through facebook. this isn't an awful area we live in

**gay in space:** hasn't there been any change?

**Space dad:** Not in the slightest. I know I brushed her off on the chat, but she has been staying at mine more and more recently. Though we're friends, and I suppose my actions can be taken in a friendly way... I don't know. I don't think it's getting through to her.

**gay in space:** poor old man.

**gay in space:** allura's all for communication though. just sit down and talk to her about it.

**Space dad:** I will when you do.

**gay in space:**  what?

**Space dad:** Don't act like you're happy just being his friend.

**gay in space:** oh yeah. whatever pensioner

**gay in space:** have a good day at work. catch the bad guys

**Space dad:** Thanks, I will. You too.

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (11:22)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** whos free today lets do something!!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** the something being the cinema!! i want to see this japanese psychological horror at the fest thats running downtown

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its subtitled but we have all watched enough anime to be able to read at the right speed lets not lie

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** get into the halloweeny spirit and all uno

**man with the memes:** yeah ill come let me just work for a week to be able to cover the expenses

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont exaggerate

**man with the memes:** im really not

**hunky dory:** Lance is very bad with money, haven't you noticed?

**hunky dory:** And sorry Allura I'd love to come but I am busy doing things that are going to take a very long time

**real slim shae-dy:** i would love to allura! and hunk you were coming over here to pick me up. that should hardly take a very long time. are you sure you are not just saying that because you are afraid?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its okay if your scared hunk u dont have to come with us

**real slim shae-dy:** my hunk's such a scaredy cat!! i on the other hand love horror films. i'm slightly fascinated by the occult!

**real slim shae-dy:** however, in saying that, my belief in the occult leads to a healthy fear of it. i still get scared when things go bump in the night and need a hand to hold when walking home in the dark.

**hunky dory:** Its just

**hunky dory:** Why would I pay for a month of restless sleep, the light always on and flinching at everything?

**hunky dory:** I can do food for you when you get out of the film???

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** he really is the best lil waifu isnt he

**real slim shae-dy:** oh most definitely. i cannot say i do not enjoy the benefits that come with it though!

**man with the memes:** he was my waifu first remember

**hunky dory:** He's not lying. I'm gonna try practicing some new stuff so tell me what you guys think ok XX

**man with the memes:** sure theyll be delish my man

**pidgeotto:** whats inspired this want to make new dishes??

**hunky dory:** My boss mentioned he needs someone new in the kitchen. I'm gonna try and convince him that I am way better behind the counter than out front serving

**man with the memes:** good luck!! hed be a ridiculous fool to not hire u as his new sous chef ur food is like being kissed by an angel

**pidgeotto:** seconded. i want a plate

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** always excited for new hunk creationsss

**real slim shae-dy:** sounds lovely my love! allura did you check what time the film is running?

**hunky dory:** You guys are too kind

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** we can catch the 1:45??

**real slim shae-dy:** sounds good! i think it will be quite nice to leave the cinema and get home in the daylight after a scary film ahaha

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ill hold ur hand at the scary parts. lmk when u with hunky and ill come down n steal u away xx

 

**man with the memes to Space family** **(Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) ** **(13:09)**

**man with the memes:** guys i forgot to say tenj just told such a funny joke but now i cant remember the punchline

**man with the memes:** it was something about a monk?

**man with the memes:** ngl i wasnt listening and i laughed because hes pretty and i want him to like me

**man with the memes:** im shallow i admit

**pidgeotto:** just use your life its already a joke

**man with the memes:** OUCH also tru

**gay in space:** tenj??

**man with the memes:** tenji, hes the newest addition to the cafe vista family

**man with the memes:** hes actually such a funny guy and hes really cool

**man with the memes:** he usually has the same shifts as me so weve become pretty good friends

 

**gay in space to pidgeotto (13:16)**

**gay in space:** is it socially acceptable for me to kill this "tenji" guy

**pidgeotto:** no it isnt

**pidgeotto:** he made lance laugh so what

**pidgeotto:** dont overreact

**gay in space:** i want to make him laugh

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family** **(Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) ** **(13:19)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh oh oh

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** how pretty is he lance is it worth coming down

 

**gay in space to pidgeotto (13:20)**

**gay in space:** why is allura doing this

**pidgeotto:** some people just want to watch the world burn

**pidgeotto:** or in this case, you burn

**man with the memes to Space family** **(Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) ** **(13:20)**

**man with the memes:** yes omds

**man with the memes:** so hot i want to cry

**man with the memes:** he has rly nice skin and the back of his head is shaved and has this geometric pattern in it

**man with the memes:** also hes tall

**man with the memes:** like tall tall 6'2/6'3

**man with the memes:** in other words, waaaay out of my league

**gay in space:** a guinea pig would be out of your league

**man with the memes:** why u gotta cut me so deep

**gay in space:** roasting you gets me through the day.

**man with the memes:** dont hate me because im out of your league xx

**gay in space:** you cannot be serious i am so many leagues ahead of you

**man with the memes:** i showed tenj your photo and asked him if you were out of my league and he shrugged and said 'im out of both your leagues'

**man with the memes:** what does that mean????///????

**gay in space:** it means

**gay in space:** when will the sweet release of death end my suffering

**man with the memes:** calm down edgelord its only a rhetorical question

 

**gay in space to pidgeotto (13:32)**

**gay in space:** i hate everything and everyone i want to DIE

**pidgeotto:** for someone whos catchphrase is let me live u sure say u want to die a lot

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (13:34)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** why does lance have keith photos on hand hmmmmm

**pidgeotto:** for the spank bank probably

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ew also ugh ur probably right

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family** **(Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) ** **(13:34)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok guys stfu me and shae are on our date and the movies abt to start

**real slim shae-dy:** the trailers, she means. she has told me several times that they're the best part, but that's like saying the crust is the best part of a pizza.

**hunky dory:** Should I be worried you're stealing my girlfriend?? Because in all honesty you're the hotter one I don't want her to choose you

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** >;)))))

**real slim shae-dy:** i love you hunky bear xxxx

**hunky dory:** Enjoy the film girls. I love you too Shae xxx

**gay in space:** miss me with that emotional shit

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to the greatest people you will ever meet (15:54)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** is keith ok??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** when we got back he came up for a smoke and what i think was his version of a feelings jam???

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** which just involved a lot of groaning and insults

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance what did u do

**man with the memes:** why do u assume its me

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (15:58)**

**man with the memes:** hey babe r u ok

**gay in space:** yes i'm Fine

**man with the memes:** are u sure? dont sound it

**gay in space:** i'm fine. i would say i am unless i was. don't you have work to do?

 

**man with the memes to the greatest people you will ever meet (16:00)**

**man with the memes:** ok i think it might be me

**pidgeotto:** hes ok guys. dont worry

**pidgeotto:** hes just being Keith

**pidgeotto:** we had a chat the other day in Strict Confidence

**pidgeotto:** as such, i cant divulge information. but hes alright

**man with the memes:** why would he go 2 u

**man with the memes:** nothing against u pigwidgeon

**man with the memes:** but i thought we were like actually Good Friends now who tell each other Things like when we r Down

**pidgeotto:** im bored of pidgeotto think im going to kick it old school with pigwidgeon

**pidgeotto:** harry potter till i die bitches

**pidgeotto changed their nickname to pigwidgeon**

**pigwideon:** i am his roommate lance and you are Good Friends he just wanted to speak to someone else about this

**pigwideon:** is that so hard to believe?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck the movies for never including the glorious pigwidgeon

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** n dont mind lance he just jealous

**pigwidgeon:** hewasinthemovies.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** are u jokin

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im so upset with myself i didnt know that trivia

**pigwidgeon:** and you call yourself a brit???

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ive brought shame to mother Joanne

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but also ok tell keith that we love him and if he needs us we r there  (Purple Heart )

**man with the memes:** im not jealous yeah

**man with the memes:** but yes the above sentiment is tru  (Blue Heart )

**man with the memes:** also tbf he didnt have the amazing role of siriuss owl transition to rons arc thing

**pigwidgeon:** but he was Featured

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** LANCE LOVES KEITH ITS CANON

**man with the memes:** i fucken hate u sometimes i stg

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (16:08)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** he told u that he likes lance amirite or amirite

**pigwideon:** WHAT PART OF STRICTEST CONFIDENCE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WOMAN

**pigwideon:** yes of course he did here are the receipts

**pigwideon:** lovesickfool3.jpg

**pigwideon:** lovesickfool4.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol what a bean

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** so pathetic all these dumb sad bois

 

**hunky dory to the greatest people you will ever meet (16:16)**

**hunky dory:** These conversations fly by so fast that I can never get a word in. Like the name change Pidge, hope Keith's okay. Sort out your LQ Lance or I'm locking you out.

**man with the memes:** i dont have keys to my own place oKAY so what

**man with the memes:** dont key shame me

**man with the memes:** but ok im on it i think i know what up

**man with the memes to gay in space (16:19)**

**man with the memes:** ok ive been scrolling through our past messages here and on the gc

**man with the memes:** im an idiot also pls come to the cafe i am gonna make you a really nice creation a lá lance

**gay in space:** i know you are and i won't be any fun. i can't entertain you while you're running a slow crowd. i also have a life of my own

**man with the memes:** idm

**man with the memes:** i just like you being around me

**man with the memes:** i have entirely selfish reasons

**man with the memes:** n u can sit around in headphones sulking to sad vaporwave here u dont need to do it in ur apartment

**man with the memes:** please??? the coffee will be free????

**gay in space:** damn it... free things... my one weakness

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family** **(Sparkles ) (Milky Way )** **(16:28)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** guys bonding exercise!!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** right now say a random fact about urself followed by 'and im beautiful'

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ie

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im a stripper and im beautiful!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** or

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont know how to deal with life and im beautiful!

**pigwidgeon:** iamuglyandiamproud.jpg

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** not quite pidge midge!! try again

**pigwidgeon:** i am uncomfortable with this and im beautiful

**man with the memes:** i am amazing and i am beautiful and i am still the best looking barista in the cafe

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats right bb yes u r

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** to both

**man with the memes:** tenj is hot but IM STILL NO 1

**man with the memes:** he wont take my place i own this joint

**pigwidgeon:** someones bitter

**man with the memes:** im petty, bitter, and im beautiful

**man with the memes:** what can u do

**pigwidgeon:** explanation??

**gay in space:** i agree. new barista is so hot i want to cry

**pigwidgeon:** ah i understand.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i might come down in a bit. if i can be bothered to leave my bed

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** if hes out of both your leagues he might be close to my league

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith do a girl a soild and get a sneaky photo

**gay in space:** i'll try. but honestly allura i think you're out of everyone's league

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** aw keith!! precious (Purple Heart )

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** is he actually funny or is lance looking at him with rose coloured glasses

**gay in space:** he's funny. he's got a sense of humour like pidge

**gay in space:** when i asked him how he was doing while lance was making my drink he answered with a completely straight face 'i wouldn't know. i've been dead inside since 2006.'

**gay in space:** i’m a sucker for guys who want to Die

**man with the memes:** was pidge even alive in 2006

**pigwidgeon:** i was born in 98 you fuck

**gay in space:** sounds fake but ok

**pigwidgeon:** i dont like him theres only room for one Dead Inside friend in the group

**pigwidgeon:** and that spot is taken

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yes it is pidge didge!! and we wouldnt have it taken by any one else

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur our favourite Dead Inside friend

**man with the memes:** she right. ur cool for a slime addict

**gay in space:**  agreed. but also hey i'm pretty Dead Inside too

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** u used to be more when we first met you

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but then u Chilled and u actually smile now

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidge over here is the one who is truly Dead Inside. they havent showed a single Emotion since 2006

**man with the memes:** how could they

**gay in space:** were they even alive

**pigwidgeon:** fuck you both. also why are we arguing over who is the most Dead Inside like its a good thing. nothing matters and we are all going to die

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** see

**gay in space:** i see

**gay in space:** oh yeah guys

**gay in space:** lance came to my spin class today

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** how was that ey ;)

**man with the memes:** stop. put that winky face away

**gay in space:** all the middle aged women loved him. especially margret

**man with the memes:** i like her she was so nice

**man with the memes:** she gave me her lemon drizzle recipe im finna slide it to hunk

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i also like margret if it means we get cake

**gay in space:** i'm a fitness coach i shouldn't let her pass out cake recipes in class that's not healthy

**man with the memes:** killjoy

**gay in space:** killjoys make some noise

**man with the memes:** emo!!!!!!

**gay in space:** you set me up for these falls. i know you do

**gay in space:** emo traps. everywhere i look

 

****gay in space to** ill lure ya (to ur death) (16:43)**

**gay in space:** fuckingtenji.jpg

**gay in space:** honestly allura tenji isnt that great. theres someone way hotter who would love to take you out.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith im flattered but youre like my son

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** not even my brother or something like literally youre my child

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** also arent u gay

**gay in space:** oh my god allura. not me. you're beautiful but yes i'm gay and i'd probably be breaking so many bro codes if i hit on you.

**gay in space:** also ik im definetly hotter than fucking tenji. fuck lance

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol im jokin bb x i think i kno who u mean

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** sweet lil baby wingman

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur deffo waaay hotter than fucking tenji  <3<3<3 go getcha man

 

****ill lure ya (to ur death) to **gay in space (16:49)**** **

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck wait its not lance is it

**gay in space:** allura lance is nowhere near as hot as fucking tenji

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  lol ok i smell smoke

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  cos someones pants are on fire

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (16:54)**

**man with the mems:** im about to get off my shift you want to go for a Walk and Talk??? or are you busy sulking still

**gay in space:** eugh feelings

**man with the memes:** communication is key?

**gay in space:** i know. i’ll meet you outside? x

**man with the memes:** okay. im just gonna grab my stuff x

 

**pigwidgeon to gay in space (21:34)**

**pigwidgeon:** hey dude you ok

**gay in space:** what? yeah why

**pigwidgeon:** you came in, dropped yourself face first onto the sofa, and started screaming into a pillow

**pigwidgeon:** are you sure youre okay

**gay in space:** my heart hurts

**pigwidgeon:** why

**gay in space:** i don't know maybe i'm dying

**pigwidgeon:** maybe

 

**hunky dory to man with the memes (21:34)**

**hunky dory:** Hey bro are you alright

**man with the memes:** yes of course i am im Fine why the h e double toothpicks wouldnt i be

**hunky dory:** Wow okay that was very convincing

**hunky dory:** But whatever I'll bite

**hunky dory:** Come to me when you want to dude

**man with the memes:** thanks bro  (Blue Heart ) u

**hunky dory:** (Yellow Heart ) you too

 

**pigwidgeon to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (21:40)**

**pigwidgeon:** hunk keith just came in and started screaming into a pillow how is lance

**hunky dory:** My guy came in, got out his kit, started doing his thing and just.

**hunky dory:** Sort of stopped and just started staring out into the distance for a good ten minutes. Then just started yelling

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay so they didnt kiss. i dont think?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its aight its aight im still in this thing I hope

**hunky dory:** How do you know??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** if they had lance wouldve come back and probably walked into approximately five walls im guessing

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** shortsighted loser

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** my female intuitions take on the night is this: they had a Moment at the cafe today. lance did something flirty/intimate/lance-ish AND/OR keith dropped an obvious hint abt feelings and lance and didn't realise he did it and implications till he got home,, keith, obviously, realised and was screaming because he knew lance didnt get him

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** tldr im assuming miscommunication is a happen and im going to flip because what do i say???

**hunky dory:** communication is key

**pigwidgeon:** communications key

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats right

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ah these boys are actually ridiculous

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i want to leave them to it but i just cant

**pigwidgeon:** i feel you

 

\----

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (09:42)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** morning guys! clocks went back yesterday so we get an extra hour of sleep this morning!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  its the little things in life

**pigwidgeon:** the clocks going back is proof that time is fake and i dont sleep ever

**gay in space:** you can't explain colour, language is just a series of sounds, nothing is real, everything is a lie, and the government watch our every move.

**man with the memes:** its too fucking early for this shit

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh ho how typical

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** nothing is fun lifes boring nothing is real lets just act like were dead because were going to be in the future so why not fuckin start now lol

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** cant you just Chill and smell the metaphorical roses of life for once

**man with the memes:** once ur Woke u cant just go back into the matrix allura

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** since when r u Woke u still believe the moon landing happened in 69

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** the landing to URANUS happened in 69

**pigwidgeon:** as a scientist i can confirm she is in fact correct

**man with the memes:** has keith gotten to you too

**gay in space:** lance you are the only one on this chat who isn’t actually woke

**gay in space:** we all know that nothing is real and everything is run by the capitalist government therefore can’t be trusted

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hes a like a cinammon roll with how naive he is

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but… hes not pure??

**pigwidgeon:** the sinammon roll

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol yes

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** anyway im still mad like gosh guys cant u just appreciate ur everyday boring lives and get happy over the little things.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** a cute pupper u saw down the street. ur fave flavoured tea. a really good itching session

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  create ur own happiness!! its hard sometimes but if it makes u smile its worth it

**pigwidgeon:** well allura that would require emotions and i havent had one of those since 2006

**man with the memes:** pidge were you even alive in 2006

**pigwidgeon:** you arent turning that into a goddamn meme

**pigwidgeon:** its like fetch. its just not going to happen.

**man with the memes:** too late its happening

**gay in space:** pidge were you even alive when mean girls was made?

**pigwidgeon:** i swear to fucking god

**pigwidgeon:** i cant even threaten to lock you out because you actually carry your keys like a normal human

**man with the memes:** it was made in 2004 i dont think they were

**man with the memes:** im being keyshamed!!!!

 

**pidgwidgeon to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (10:01)**

**pigwidgeon:** i take it back i dont want klance to happen if they are going to be like this can i get my twenty dollars back now

**pigwidgeon:** im going Disrupt and Ruin everything. them getting together is a bad idea. theyre annoying all by themselves putting them together is like giving them twice the power. i wont stand for it

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its cute!!!! let them have their dumb boy fun

**pigwidgeon:** try being on the receiving end of it

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i am always on the receiving end of it pigkid. i cant say anything to them without them turning it into a meme

**pigwidgeon:** at least theyre wholesome?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah tru. wholesome memes are the best kind

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  dont interfere tho

**pigwidgeon:** did you really just say that allura. am i asleep? am i dreaming?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  yes i did shut up squirt

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  if u do hunk has more of a chance of winning

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  so stop!

**hunky dory:** No Pidge, please by all means interfere

**pigwidgeon:** is this mom giving me consent to do what i want

**hunky dory:** Within reason

**pigwidgeon:** i have waited for this for so long. i must be dreaming. why dont i sleep this is great

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  hunk thats a cheap shot

**hunky dory:** Hey I've got to play my wild cards. Pidge is out of the ratrace now so they're up for grabs. I'm just using my children to my advantage

 

**man with the memes to Space family (11:22)**

**man with the memes:** so some woman in the line at the bank today started speaking to me and i though she was nice

**man with the memes:** so we were having this chat and then she hits me with the have you heard of our saviour and lord jesus christ talk

**man with the memes:** mama raised a good christian boy do not get me wrong but this woman was homophobic and rude and i ended up yelling at her and i didnt get to open my fuckin check in account so

**man with the memes:** tldr im a little bi-furious

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance you cant use that line no matter how Bi u r when ur literally the living Scott Pilgrim

**man with the memes:** lol im not in a band tho

**man with the memes:** and i can use her lines even if im scott you dont own me ur not my real mom

**man with the memes:** ur not even my Space mom

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** technicalities dont matter.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  dont sass me or ill get hunk to lock you out.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  im keyshaming

**man with the memes:** dont keyshame me

**man with the memes:** bro youd never do that to me would you

**hunky dory:** I usually do what Allura tells me to do, dude. She's pretty scary

**man with the memes:** tru

**man with the memes:** so who is my lovely ramona??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont play dumb with me boy we made these allocations

**hunky dory:** Keith obviously

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol moms already on it. but yes and dont lie bc you said so urself

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hunky youre steven 

**hunky dory:**  Saw that one coming

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** eh we arent that original

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** sorry ma well try to be more out there with our shitty character placements next time

**hunky dory:**  Lol I'm joking. That doesn't mean Shae's Julie though right?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** god no omds!!! shaes stacey

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** new ship lol stevenxstacey 

**real slim shae-dy:** anna kendrick is quite cool. i like her tweets so i'm alright with it!

**man with the memes:** hunk man wed be so good together in a band 

**man with the memes:**  also are u sure i didnt say tenji

**man with the memes:** bc hes got good hair too

**gay in space:** i have good hair?? thanks i know X

**gay in space:** first he comes for pidge’s role as the Dead Inside friend now he comes for my role as the Good hair friend

**gay in space:** when will tenji be stopped

**man with the memes:** fucking tenji

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hes coming for ur role as lances beau not ur good hair sorry b

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** besides im the good hair friend

**man with the memes:** yeah keith i dont know who ur tryin to kid.

**man with the memes:** ur the emo friend

**gay in space:** isn't this getting old now? yes i was an emo okay i'm only human i make mistakes. i went to my chemical romance concerts and i might have cried when the broke up. so sue me

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** acceptance is the first step to a brighter future

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** well done as well keith that was some top notch Emotional Maturity. this is what i like to see!

**gay in space:** thanks

**man with the memes:** dont u feel like a weight has been taken off ur shoulders now?? ;)

**gay in space:** lance i’ll fight you

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** am i missing something? r u two hanging out? r u having parties w/o me ??

**man with the memes:**  im at the bank i dont know what you mean

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** whatever idc its probably some weird meme filled twilight zone where nothing is real and everything is a weird twisted sort of inside joke meme thing and i dont want to get into that more than i already am

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** so, back to the prev topic. keith ur ramona

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** not even because of the blatant love just because ur super cool and mysterious and im pretty sure u have seven evil exes and can travel through time

**gay in space:** one of those things is a lie and it isn't the time travel

**man with the memes:** its the seven evil exes

**man with the memes:** no way has keith dated that many people

**gay in space:** i would argue but i'm an antisocial asshole that can't make friends

**pigwidgeon:** oh hey me too

**gay in space:** i’ve never even kissed a guy

**man with the memes:** hey me neither

**pigwidgeon:** i call bullshit

**gay in space:** objection

**pigwidgeon:** basis: have seen both of you kiss guys

**gay in space:** overruled

**pigwidgeon:** when did this scott pilgrim character allocation happen???? i want in

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidge is that even a question no one is more Kim than you

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and me and lance watched scott pilgrim the other day

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** which turned into a michael cera marathon which made us both cry Real Tears at juno and laughter tears at this is the end

**man with the memes:** i knew you secretly loved me pidgey

**pigwidgeon:** i take it back i dont want in

**pigwidgeon:** also does this is the end even count as a michael cera film? hes hardly in it

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** too late ur in kim

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and yes it does he makes that fuckin movie

**gay in space:** objection. the end choreographed dance routine to backstreet’s back makes that fuckin’ movie.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** overruled. that bit is fuckin SICK and i was Wrong. michael cera is a contributing factor to the film

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omds keith i just had the best idea

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dye ur hair pink!!! i think it would look amazing

**man with the memes:** yeah try it ur hair cant get much worse

**gay in space:** don't be jealous baldy

**gay in space:** i'm actually kind of bored of my hair. i let it grow out and its been like this for ages. i want to do something different with it

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omg keith pleeeease let me dye your hair

**gay in space:** maybe.

**man with the memes:** i think what the universe is trying to tell us through this guys

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith needs to dye his hair??

**man with the memes:** yes but

**man with the memes:** pidge hunk and me need to form a band

**pigwidgeon:** no.

**man with the memes:** it could happen! i play bass!!

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (12:05)**

**man with the memes:** does this mean tenji is knives? ;)

**gay in space:** fucking tenji

**man with the memes:** also i do like the mullet

**man with the memes:** not that i think im the reason u want to change ur hair or nethin

**gay in space:**  lol i know you do. and i am bored of it, i wasn't lying on the chat. go back to work x

 

**pigwidgeon to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (15:29)**

**pigwidgeon:** Things have been Very suspicious recently

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hmm?

**pigwidgeon:** youre out at night and sometimes during the day if you can be bothered to move

**pigwidgeon:** im not unless im working

**pigwidgeon:** so you do not see what i see

**pigwidgeon:** and now i am on the Meddle 

**pigwidgeon:** i see what i was previously seeing, but with new eyes. my new owl eyes, if you will

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what is it you see, o wise owl pigwidgeon

**pigwidgeon:** i see keith leaving the flat to 'run errands' or 'go for a ride'

**pigwidgeon:** and take a suspiciously long time…

**pigwidgeon:** i see them coming back to the building together

**pigwidgeon:** but coming in at different times...

**pigwidgeon:** and i dont want to say it for fear i might be wrong but...

**pigwidgeon:** i think i heard lance leave this morning?

**pigwidgeon:** i mean i hear people leaving all the time. but if my new meddling owl ears arent deceiving me im sure it was lances voice i heard

**hunky dory:** That’s funny. Now you mention it, Lance has been going out more too. He went to do ‘grocery shopping’ yesterday and came back four hours later with two eggplants.

**hunky dory:** I asked him to get lasagna stuff. I ended up making moussaka.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** that was fuckin delish btw

**pigwidgeon:** yes it was

****hunky dory:**** Thanks guys. I'm doing what I can at the restaraunt, and I've been doing more kitchen boy duties than serving recently. Every little helps though, right?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats right hunky well done!!!

**pigwidgeon:** well done dude

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but guys...

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** you don’t think?

**hunky dory:** No. They aren't that sly

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah ur right

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its just not realistic

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** they have been a Lot closer recently though

**pigwidgeon:** allura honestly how even could they be. they cant hide anything from us. its more likely they were making memes together than having sex

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ur right im being silly

 

****ill lure ya (to ur death) **to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (15:48)**** **

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but the bank

**hunky dory:** No he really did go. He sent me snap videos of the stuff she was saying.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** was keith there?

**hunky dory:** It was just of her so even if he was there I wouldn't've seen him

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** damn it. unreliable snapchat is unreliable for receipts

 

**pigwidgeon to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (20:35)**

**pigwidgeon:** I TAKE IT BACK!! IM SORRY ALLURA

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** What ?????

**pigwidgeon:** today!!

**pigwidgeon:** just now!!

**pigwidgeon:** guys!!!

**pigwidgeon:** i left my cave in search of sustenance

**pigwidgeon:** by which i mean went upstairs to see hunk about munch

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** of course

**pigwidgeon:** they are just... there? together?? watching films on lances laptop cuddled on the bed??

**pigwidgeon:** hunk where were you????????

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** OH WOW WHAT when did this happen????!!!

**pigwidgeon:** just now keep up !!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** where are u???

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** are u there ???

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** have they seen u ???? !!!!!!

**hunky dory:** I’m at Shae's. Ahaha Pidge did they have clothes on?

**pigwidgeon:** im in the corridor now

**pigwidgeon:** i dont know they didnt hear me come in i am a quiet person

**pigwidgeon:** i ducked out when i saw them though

**pigwidgeon:** i think they had pants on but lance was shirtless im pretty sure. i didnt get a good look

**pigwidgeon:** i dont want to Step on an Intimate moment

**pigwidgeon:** i dont think they heard me leave hopefully

**hunky dory:** What do you think they were doing? Sounds to me like we were right earlier.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** you mean i was!!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** they CANT be theres no fucking WAY ill eat my goddamn booty shorts

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** HOLD UP WHAT THE FUCK DID LANCE JUST SAY

  

**man with the memes to Space family** **(Sparkles ) (Milky Way )** **(20:47)**

**man with the memes:** keith

**gay in space:** saying my name is so intimate why would you do that to me

**man with the memes:** keith you literally had my dick in your ass not fifteen minutes ago do not try to pull this shit with me

**man with the memes:** oh no

**pigwidgeon:** this week on 'oh shit i said that on the group chat not on private message'

 

**gay in space to man with the memes (20:50)**

**gay in space:** lol

**man with the memes:** help me

**gay in space:** lol

**man with the memes:** dont lol me!!! this involves u too!!!!

**gay in space:** this is your punishment for not using your Words

**man with the memes:** i am Using my words

**man with the memes:** its just easier to type mushy stuff and i was about to be real mushy

**gay in space:** stop trying to be cute. i'm not saving you

**man with the memes:** also did we not have a very Intimate Bonding Moment with real Words the other day

**gay in space:** payback for not acknowledging our first Bonding moment

**gay in space:** could've had your dick in my ass almost a year ago. but no, you had to be an asshole

**man with the memes:** oh my gooood when are u going to let that go

**man with the memes:**  u know u need at least three (3) whole interactions with me before u realise im not an asshole

**gay in space:** never. i've had way more than three and i still think you're an asshole.  (Heavy Black Heart ≊ Red Heart)

**man with the memes:** i like the mullet ive said it before!!

**gay in space:** doesn't hurt to say it again once in a while

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family** **(Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) ** **(20:50)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** congrats guys!!! not like we all didnt see this coming but still!!

**Space dad:** Finally.

**pigwidgeon:** keith does this mean youll stop playing your pining playlists and crying at 3am?

**Space dad:** Oh that isn't pining, that's just Keith. It's like his 'thing' to stay up till early morning playing sad boy skater punk.

**gay in space:** shiro you are actually The Worst and i hate you

**hunky dory:** I mean I saw it coming from a mile off but I'm still shocked

**real slim shae-dy:** congratulations boys! stay safe and although neither of you can reproduce, it is still wise to remember to wear protection!

**coranasaurus rex:** Well done lads! shaes right. my mother taught me a very wise phrase growing up, dont be silly, wrap your willy! dont forget it kids

****man with the memes:**  **this is like one of those weird lucid nightmares when your whole entire family walks in on you butt naked with an 8 incher in ur pooper and a 12 incher slapping ur face 

 

****gay in space to ** **man with the memes (20:53)****** **

**gay in space:** that was oddly specific. had that dream before?

****man with the memes:**** its a reoccurring one

****man with the memes:**  **im a size queen and it haunts me

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family** **(Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) ** **(20:54)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay so lances weird ass kinks aside, arguably the most important question on everyones minds

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** is lance really the bottom? because im sorry i Cant see that happening

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** mostly because weve had enough Girl Talk for me to know that hes uke as fuckin shit

**gay in space:** i'm a power bottom

**gay in space:** but usually i top?

**gay in space:** we argue over it most of the time

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** why am i not surprised about that

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** also now that youve told me i dont know why i even thought you were anything different

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** Power bottom keith fits u so perfect

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance i believe in u u can still own the show giving???

**man with the memes:** of course i can allura dont be stupid.

**man with the memes:** i just like being bottom

**hunky dory:** Too much information!!!!!!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** omg u two uke shits

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** do u actually argue over whos going to bottom that is PRECIOUS

**pigwidgeon:** we have a very different idea of whats precious allura

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and you dont fool me mama

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** me and shae have Girl Talk too i know u get up to more than u let on

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** NOW TELL US HOW IT HAPPENED

**gay in space:** um... with a lot of lube???

**pigwidgeon:** oh my god keith

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (21:01)**

**man with the memes:** you actually crack me up

**man with the memes:** way funnier than tenji  <3

**gay in space:** fucking tenji. shut up lol x

**gay in space:** now it's your turn to deal with them

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (21:02)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im soooooooooo mad these ASSHOLES how the HELL did they keep this from us

**pigwidgeon:** your guess is as good as mine

 

**man with the memes to Space family** **(Sparkles ) (Milky Way )** **(21:04)**

**man with the memes:** ull have to be more specific lura

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** whats the deal now?? for how long has this thing been a thing?? r u boyfies or smooch buds or just beginning and havent spoke abt labels yet or??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont care if ur uncomfortable w it i need the Receipts so tough luck ur telling us we are all mature Adults here

**man with the memes:** pidge is on the chat tho

**pigwidgeon:** shut up a spill the tea moron

**man with the memes:** wow okay aggressive

**man with the memes:** ummm

**man with the memes:** yeah ok we havent spoken

**gay in space:** we aren't very good at that yet

**gay in space:** but when we do you guys will be the first to know???

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hey im a respectful gal.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** ill leave it

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** remember communication is key to any healthy relationship no matter its status!!!

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (21:15)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i lied i cant leave it i need u to tell me rn

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im a messy bitch that lives for drama

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** spill or im coming downstairs nd getting it out of u by force

**gay in space:** well as lance so eloquently stated earlier

**gay in space:** we're getting to know each other?? and we have been for about a month or so now?

**man with the memes:** in the best kind of way ;)

**gay in space:** dear lord i can't believe i'm actually into you

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** A MONTH??? POSSIBLY LONGER??? WHAT THE FUKC?????

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** I THOUGHT THIS MIGHT HAVE BEEN LIKE THE SECOND TIME UVE AKWARDLY FUMBLED AROUND

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** how long is about and month or so??

**gay in space:** um

**gay in space:** remember that night where lance made an ass of himself to shae and she did her first burn?

**man with the memes:** like that day

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** tHAT LONG?

**man with the memes:** well as all good stories start, it started with a meme

**gay in space:** i’m going to stop having sex with you

**gay in space to man with the memes (21:23)**

**gay in space:** i'm so mad that you've turned something heartfelt like us ramming the shit out of each other into a meme

**gay in space:** why does your entire existence have to be a meme

**man with the memes:** keith you know as well as i the only way either of us can Deal with things at the moment is by turning them into some sort of shitty twisted inside joke meme thing between buddies

**gay in space:** don’t call me your buddy when i had your dick in my ass not fifteen minutes ago. don’t be an asshole

**gay in space:** but true

**man with the memes:**  three (3) interactions

**gay in space:** pidge was the first person to say that you know. they started that shitty meme

**gay in space:** it wasn't me

**man with the memes:** wasnt it? I thought you hated me when we first met

**gay in space:** no lol. i actually said to them that i thought you weren't a bad guy from the off

**man with the memes:** KIETH  (Blue Heart )(Blue Heart )(Blue Heart )(Blue Heart )

**man with the memes:** i feel like an asshat now because i thought you were a bit of a jerk

**gay in space:** i know you did

**gay in space:** it’s okay i still like you

**man with the memes:** gd. cos i rly like u

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (21:23)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont know if im annoyed or proud they managed to hide it for a month

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** also my womans intuition is apparently Shit

**pigwidgeon:** what happened the other day then?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuckin hell why are we so meticulous with all our Receipts

**pigwidgeon:** we just Gotta

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way )(21:25)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what happened the other day then did one of you accidently fart on the other for the first time or something stupid like that

**man with the memes:** what?

**pigwidgeon:** you both freaked out when you got home after keith came to see you at the cafe after getting huffy about tenji

**gay in space:** fUCKING TENJI

**gay in space:** wHY CAN NOTHING REMAIN A SECRET IN THIS FAMILY

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** auntie allura keeps all the receipts

**man with the memes:** lolno allura i farted on him like the third time we had sexy times

**man with the memes:** it was a really good one aswell

**man with the memes:** babe do you think i could fart with ur dick in me and push hard enough to force it back out

**gay in space:** why am i attracted to you

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah why the hell are you

**man with the memes:** ouch

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** go on then we all in on the tea now may as well get us up to speed

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what happen

**man with the memes:** we just Spoke

**gay in space:** about Things

**man with the memes:** communication is key after all

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** was it real talking or body talking

**gay in space:** a bit of both

**man with the memes:** we started off good but once this issue was resolved it was just like y not makeup sex

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what was issue??

**gay in space:** wasn't really an Issue just a... thing?

**man with the memes:** feelings sort of junk

**man with the memes:** and some tragic backstory stuff idk

**man with the memes:** does that stuff even count as tragic backstory?

**gay in space:** i think it all qualifies under the ‘tragic backstory’ umbrella

**gay in space:** allura you're the queen of this stuff does sexuality and past relationships and that sort of junk count as tragic backstory??

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** OH MY GOD YOU GUYS???!!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** yes of COURSE it does

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh my god im so proud of you both

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** you actually had a Feelings Talk of your own accord????

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** well done both of you

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** and for the record any stupid details about your past, memories or past favourite foods... its all tragic backstory. every little bit u share!!!!!!

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (21:39)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** wow they are a lot more serious than i ever expected

**pigwidgeon:** what do you mean?

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** they had a feelings chat on their own?!!

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** fucking hell this is so many Huge steps forward for both of them

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** go them oh my goodness

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im not gonna say anything because if i embarrass them too much i might end up doing some damage

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i think its cool to joke about their sex life because they seem to be quite Open with that so we can dig at them on that

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** but emotional stuff can we Not Dig

**pigwidgeon:** okay agony auntie

**pigdwidgeon:** im taking notes

 

**pigwidgeon to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (21:46)**

**pigwidgeon:** wait lance werent you at work

**man with the memes:** yeah

**pigwidgeon:** i didnt see either of you come back

**pigwidgeon:** where did this friendly chat happen

**man with the memes:** pidge ur so sweet and innocent pls dont grow up ever

**pigwidgeon:** if it means im going to end up like you i wont

**man with the memes:** yes. adulthood is full of terrifying things i think you should stay playing with your legos

**pigwidgeon:** lance i am decades ahead of you in terms of intelligence

**man with the memes:** lol tru

**man with the memes:** i forget uve already graduated

**man with the memes:** its weird that the little tyke who was in our junior year graduated like two years before us

**hunky dory:** Yeah Pidge I don't forget that you're the kid its just weird to remember that we met in school

**man with the memes:** you were what, 10??

**pigwidgeon:** 14

**pigwidgeon:** penis breath

**man with the memes:** i will have you know i carry mouthwash so i can never be called that particular insult

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** whos dicks been in your mouth this time eh lance? ;)

**man with the memes:** well as we have just announced i am having regular sex with kogayne over here

**gay in space:** it was tenji's

**man with the memes:** fucking tenji

**pigwidgeon:** hey guys i hate to ask. because then i might actually learn the answer

**pigwidgeon:** but is tenji some sort of weird inside joke meme thing between you two now

**gay in space:** no

**man with the memes:** yes

**pigwidgeon:** oh my god.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hes a hUMAN BEING u cant tURN HIM INTO A MEME

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what did that poor boy ever do to u??

**gay in space:** the chat the other day

**man with the memes:** with Emotions

**gay in space:** just

**man with the memes:** fucking tenji

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i am done with u all

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** why do you gotta turn everything Pure into a meme

**gay in space:** tenji isnt Pure

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i havent met him yet but im vouching for his Purity on the stance that no one human deserves this treatment from either of u

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hes new and ur memeing him

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats not okay

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to lol when these dumb bois gettin together (22:01)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** if they were thinking about fucking tenji while we were thinking they were getting together im gonna

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont even know what i going to do because ill lose my shit but

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** its just so typical of them that i should have seen it fucking coming

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont ask me anything ever again i cant trust my womans intuition therefore you cant trust in a single word i say

**pigwidgeon:** its okay allura calm down its alright

**pigwidgeon:** we just gave them credit and thought they were actually mature enough to get to known each other before they jumped each others bones

**pigwidgeon:** like when in the history of ever has lance been subtle or showed restraint

**pigwidgeon:** and we didnt factor in the fact that keith is as much of a reckless idiot as lance. he has a motorbike for fucks sake

**pigwidgeon:** it happens

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im a failure as an auntie

**pigwidgeon:** dont say that. we live with them and we didnt see it. right hunk?

**hunky dory:** I don’t really focus on what Lance does unless there’s a chance he might accidently kill himself doing it.

**pigwidgeon:** its like you dont even care about this chat

**hunky dory:** I’m not going to lie I’m not as invested as invested in this whole deal as the two of you clearly are? I just want $20.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** speaking of

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** what does this mean for the bet

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** cos if i remember correctly

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** they had their Bonding moment like… two or three weeks before right???

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** soooo think it means ive won huh ;)))))

**hunky dory:** No no Allura

**hunky dory:** I'm pulling out the Receipts this time

**hunky dory:** HA.jpg

**hunky dory:** Since we bet that they'd be, as you say, 'boyfies', the games still on! I am so winning this thing.

**ill lure ya (to ur death):**  oshit

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** turned on by the one thing i thought i could always trust in

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** my Receipts

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** curse ma awful text talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hunks just in it for the dolla  
> (he gonna take shae out for a nice date)
> 
> bonus:   
> 3am  
> pidge: god damn it  
> allura: what  
> ive missed a memeportunity  
> when i walked in on them earlier i shouldve done that 'So u are having sex'   
> keiths got me he wouldve followed it up with the 'really? you shouldve told me i wouldve put my book down'  
> go to sleep pig
> 
> keith nd lances Chat went something like this:  
> i didn’t capitalise the good friends i didn’t mean it like that im only havin sex with u and i only want to be doin the do w u there  
> gross but same  
> let me love u mullet man

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what u think over @ sevencamel.tumblr.com i love chattin w u all <3


End file.
